Small talk’s large role

The ability to engage in small talk is a vital part of every professional person’s toolkit. You need to be able not only to engage with people you meet, but you need to be able to learn from them, whether they are employees, vendors, customers, or in other fields altogether. Moreover, you will want to be able to do this proactively in order to expand or strengthen your professional network, and to increase your ability to understand your environment and exert your influence within it.

But, the importance of the skill is a long way from a reflection of how daunting it is. Why? Because it’s not daunting at all: it’s easy.

The thing to remember is that you only need to ask questions. Your correspondent will do all the talking. Your questions will be perceived by your conversation partner as reflecting your professional and personal courtesy and intelligence. And, since people love to talk, especially about themselves or their areas of expertise, the race is on; all you have to do is spectate, and perhaps add some commentary, or even whip the conversation along with another question or two.

But how do you know what questions to ask to begin, or to steer, the conversation (or monologue that you, in effect, are producing)? To begin with, just asking someone’s identity and line of work is sufficient to get things going, and generally to establish a cordial and appreciative environment for the talk.

As the conversation continues, if the subject strays into an area with which you are unfamiliar, or introduces technical terms or issues of which you are ignorant, there is no need at all to fear exposing that ignorance. Ask. Your conversation partner will be delighted to inform you, and you may even rise further in her or his estimation for your wit to inquire.

If you can relate the issue to something in your own life or work, such as how you’ve observed “this” in play, or seen “that” affect you or your co-workers, as a prelude to your asking for enlightenment, all the better. Do not think of this as a manipulative device to draw people out, but as a frank effort to learn more. You may rest assured it is almost always met with an appreciative and helpful attitude.

If you know the general tenor of a gathering will include topics you are unfamiliar with, then simply visit wikipedia.org, refdesk.com, or run a query on an internet search engine. This will give you sufficient background information about the general topic area to enable you - not to understand everything that’s being discussed like a fellow expert - but to follow along, generate an intelligently informed curiousity, and produce questions about the general field that genuinely interest you.

You may be surprised how really interesting you find many of these conversations turning out to be - and how well they redound to your benefit both personally and professionally.

Enjoy your weekend. We look forward to seeing you again on Monday.