Managing Leadership^®

Communications. We do an awful lot of that. We tend to do it so poorly, however, that we have created an entire industry of specialists who teach us to do it better. Fortunately for the sake of their employment longevity, we’re not very good students. Must be a communication problem somewhere. But where?

A lot of training in this area focuses on making sure you get your message through – or that you receive a message – accurately. The classic device for highlighting the importance of this is the pass-it-along game, in which you whisper a simple phrase to one person, who turns and whispers it to the next person in line.

This continues through a chain of 10 or 20 people or so. The last person then reports to the group what was said, and everyone has a good laugh when that is compared with the phrase that first entered the chain.

But even when you learn to deliver, receive, and pass along messages with precision, you can still experience a failure to communicate. Consider this, from a study of humor and how it varies across national and cultural borders, and across the gender divide; it is the single joke that was judged by voters all around the globe to be, literally, the funniest joke in the world:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”.

The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

Why do so many of us think this is funny? Probably because we recognize ourselves somewhere in a story like it in our own lives. It’s a way of acknowledging the persistent habit we have of outsmarting ourselves.

So, it’s not just words – it’s frame of mind, emotional state, context, even preparedness at various levels for the discussion. Sometimes our differences in one or more (or additional) of these aspects of communication are unbridgeable. But most of the time, we can not only close the gap, but in so doing establish a profoundly more meaningful communication link.

The more we learn to do this, and the more such bonds we form among those with whom we routinely communicate, the more readily we are able, as well, to establish new ones amongst ourselves. We become quicker thinkers, more alert listeners and speakers, more confident in each other’s participation in the process.

So, take time to gauge your audience. Let them gauge your assumptions, your perspective, your agenda. Establish the foundation for your case and help bring them at least to an appreciation, if not an acceptance, of it. Then, and only then, build your case.

Learn to do this as appropriate in every communication venue in which you find yourself. Certainly when giving a public address. Even when conveying directions for execution. Your specific steps in establishing the basis for communication will vary with each instance’s peculiar nature.

But if you develop the habit of doing it, you will be far less likely to find yourself gaping, dumbfounded, back at someone who has just proudly reported for further instructions: “OK, now what?”

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Today’s tips: Speaking of mixed signals, please stop over to visit this excellent and enjoyable essay on frameworks, by Robert Hruzek, author of Middle Zone Musings.

See also Jared Sandberg‘s excellent Cubicle Culture column in today’s WSJ about mixed assessments of favors in the workplace.

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